I AM SHOL

Feeling a little down today. Now that I’m going onto week 2 of unemployment, it’s really starting to dawn on me that I feel a bit purposeless when I’m not doing any work. I know being with my son and spending time at home is a good thing, but I think subconsciously I am starting to get a little impatient with not finding anything. It hasn’t been long I should just relax and not worry, but it’s hard not too. I know economics is also a huge problem at the moment so I don’t know why I feel this way, or is it maybe that I also feel like I’m not doing a great job at being a father either? Maybe I feel guilty that I’m not being the adventurous father I thought I was going to be? Actually, I am realizing that I need to change myself and be that, because that’s exactly what I want to be. I don’t want to just sit here and endlessly scroll looking for things to do and learn online when I should put all that time and attention on my son, that’s what he deserves. Swim classes aren’t enough, after seeing his face watching the neighbor’s kid riding a go-kart last night, it made me realize he is craving adventure, he is craving to live and I am depriving him and myself from that.