I AM SHOL

Sitting here on a bench in Disneyland with a massive headache and reading BowTiedBull on Substack. As I read this specific post, it really just hits home to me about my job history and all of the jobs I’ve done in the past. For someone who’s had 14 jobs in 13 years, you would think I’d be much further ahead. The reality is that I just treat them all the same, just a temporary job, no full commitment. Now as I’m getting older, I tend to ask myself, why don’t I put the most time into a job? Why do I have trouble committing to a company? Is it because my father was able to start his business and I’m trying to do the same? Or is it that the reality is that even that isn’t forever l, or even the most successful? I think I’m just scared. Scared of what may happen if I don’t continue to move from job to job just chasing a bigger paycheck. Scared to commit. Scared to let myself grow and let myself learn.