I AM SHOL

6:45PM, I’m drinking a hot coffee at my living room kitchen counter and doing homework. I gotta say, that sentence felt like the scene of a movie intro lmfao, but really this homework is oddly therapeutic, maybe cause I think it is. This human relations class is literally all about how we can improve our emotions and how to perceive others and ourselves without judgment, talk about a full semester of therapy. I do like it, I’m actually even considering seeing a therapist after my stupid little collision after drunk driving and hitting a barrier. Yeah, it’s actually very hard to type that down and not feel like a complete failure and fuck up, but the truth is I got carried away and that shouldn’t have happened. No one was hurt, it was just me and the road, but that doesn’t make my actions any better. For so long I tried to live like I had nothing to lose, but the reality is that I have so much to lose that I tend to overlook all the amazing things I do have that can be gone in an instant. Constant guilt is what I feel. I don’t deserve the nice things I have. I don’t mean things either like this Apple Watch Ultra, I mean my girlfriend, my son, my amazing family, friends, etc. Do I even deserve this life that I have? *sips coffee*