I AM SHOL

FOMO… A feeling I tend to really feel most of the time. I wrestle with the idea of missing out on certain things that come with life. Hanging out with friends, missing the newest movies and music, etc. It’s those things that seem to keep my anxiety levels a little higher than normal. I think it’s because I want to fit in so bad. I want to be liked and want people to want me around. I know this mindset and behavior stems from my upbringing and childhood, that’s obvious to see. I think now that I’m getting older and time is passing by, that shit doesn’t really even matter. Did it ever? Now I do my best to NOT go places, not hear the newest songs, or know the newest fashion trends. It’s too much useless information for me. Also, most of the hype isn’t even worth it. I feel like I tried so much to fit in that I don’t even know the real things that I actually enjoy doing. Yeah, going to the bars and clubs to get fucked up is cool and all, but it’s kind of a waste of time. I don’t really gain much, unless it’s business related, why the hell do I keep going? I gotta put an end to it all. I know I’m slowly doing it already and it’s hard to cut it all cold turkey, but I know my efforts of slowly pulling away will bring greater good later on in my life. I may end up a little lonelier later on, but my use of time to build something is really much more important to me than anything else. I get anxiety when I’m not doing anything productive, or if I’m not learning something new. I get bored so easily with so many things too, it’s kind of shitty. A lot of things aren’t amusing as they used to be either. Memes…. god I love a great meme, but there’s some that I just want to blow my head off every time someone sends me one. Maybe I do take life too serious, but it is MY life and MY time. I can’t let others waste the only thing I really feel I have control over. Idk though, I’m just going with the flow at the moment.