I AM SHOL

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy. I know that sounds crazy, but bare with me. What I’m really trying to say is, I’m constantly pushing myself to do better, learn new things, work harder, etc etc. I don’t know where I get this energy from. I feel this constant need for improvement and to strive for the very best I can obtain. I rarely feel satisfied. It’s like I’m addicted to wanting to upgrade all the time. Sometimes I feel like this can be a “toxic” trait of mine. I honestly feel like I deserve the best. Maybe not all of the time, but I sure as fuck think most of the time I deserve the damn best life EVER. I do get disappointed in myself when I’m in a halt, or some sort of break. I get antsy and just want to keep working on things. Although, there’s things that I do that don’t feel like they add any value to where I think my life is headed, but I know it all ties together in the grand scheme of things. I just need to stop doubting myself and continue to push myself and my limits. I think this is really just a sign for me to use this extra free time I’ve just realized I had and push myself even harder.