I AM SHOL

While this is fresh on my mind I just had to let it out. I feel like I’m always on some level of a midlife crisis lmao. I just turned 26 two days ago and I just can’t help but feel so left behind on life, but also on myself. Idk if that even makes sense, so just bare with me as I try to explain how my train of thinking really is. I feel like how my life has been going is really just a constant cycle of ups and downs, but also I just feel like I don’t see so much progression. Maybe I need to stop looking? Is that the secret? I don’t want to burn myself out because I do know I have a whole life ahead of me, but man I just can’t help myself. Maybe the meds my psychiatrist prescribed me were actually helping, I’m not too sure though. Also, I have this huge problem with control. I was at dinner with a bunch of work friends the other night and we stumbled upon that conversation.

My obsession with wanting to be in control of almost everything I do is getting pretty obvious to me now. I mean, it’s definitely a good thing that I can catch it, but I also need to work on learning that I only have a small amount of control on some things. I like to believe I’m in total control, but I’ve read a great amount of information that states the complete opposite is what makes things flow so much easier. I don’t know what to believe as I continue this venture of learning about control, but here I am, thinking I’m in complete control of this thing called life. I know I’m not alone either.